Relationships. We need to close the loop on this one.
Last time I was here, I had just begun to listen myself and to see myself honestly. I was learning to be okay with all the discomfort and unpleasantness that came with it. In spite of trying EVERYTHING in my capacity, I was feeling helpless and hopeless. The pride of "I can handle anything" or "I am always more-than-ok because I am above petty grievances of life" was shattered. Apparently, I was not above them!
Sometimes life throws things at you prematurely, and you are faced with situations that you are not ready for. They are messy. And one day you find yourself in a place which is remote and hostile -- or so it appears. But you are too afraid to look around; you overlook the familiar faces and comforting things that are there for you. If you can take a step back and look around, the fear will diminish and you will be able to deal with that situation more maturely.
In most cases, this doesn't happen.
If you you are a person like me, you follow your natural instinct - act first according to your best judgement at that time, and think later. This is not the bestest strategy but you will be surprised at how often it works :)
However, there is a thin line between bravery and stupidity. Courage is foolish when used involuntarily. I learned it the hard way.
However, life has become simpler since then. I am trying to apply: Think first, act later to everything. As in, listen to my own feelings and think about the consequences of my words/actions BEFOREHAND. I know for some of you, this is a very natural modus operandi but it took me 30 something years to get it. Amazing!!
It also involves thinking about myself first* and not giving into the numerous outside demands on my time and feelings. And to watch out for the impulsive, pleasure/thrill-seeker in me who is always lurking behind...
====================
As for the desire to have a whirlwind, passionate, romantic relationship (the LBD kind), I am over it. Yes, absolutely over it.
Don't get me wrong. I still believe that a meanginful and soulful relationship exists. But it does not come readymade in a glossy red package delivered to you on the Valentines' day. In fact, watch out more carefully if you see one getting delivered to you while in your 30s. A real relationship in the thirties needs a lot of work. Because by then, you are probably carrying a lot of baggage from your previous relationships (sometimes even one-sided). Remember I asked you about "trust" earlier? It is one of the standard carry-ons! There are many others like sex, in-laws, i-am-not-attractive, he-is-going-to-leave-me, i-cannot-commit and hundreds more..
It doesn't matter what the issue is. The important thing is to identify it and get a closure on it. That doesn't mean you are over it. In many cases, the hurt is so much that you will never be able to fully get over it. What you want is to identify the triggers and stay away from situations where those triggers exist. That is, manage the issue well. Find a person who will help you with this. You, in turn, help him with his issues. While doing this, don't forget to slip in how much you love those red roses, pink cards and heart-shaped chocolates .. :)
This is a kind of relationship that ripens well with age i.e. with L and B, D develops!
Ok, I am not not going to lie. A part of me, the lurking pink thrill-seeker, is totally mocking my words here but I am not listening to it..
* I found some pretty good articles on having a healthy relationship with yourself. Worth checking out: http://shine.yahoo.com/better-relationship-yourself-175600301.html
http://rachelrabbitwhite.com/being-in-a-relationship-with-yourself/
** http://saltdoll-in-ocean1.blogspot.com/2011/05/missing-in-action.html
L=length, B=breadth, D = depth
Last time I was here, I had just begun to listen myself and to see myself honestly. I was learning to be okay with all the discomfort and unpleasantness that came with it. In spite of trying EVERYTHING in my capacity, I was feeling helpless and hopeless. The pride of "I can handle anything" or "I am always more-than-ok because I am above petty grievances of life" was shattered. Apparently, I was not above them!
Sometimes life throws things at you prematurely, and you are faced with situations that you are not ready for. They are messy. And one day you find yourself in a place which is remote and hostile -- or so it appears. But you are too afraid to look around; you overlook the familiar faces and comforting things that are there for you. If you can take a step back and look around, the fear will diminish and you will be able to deal with that situation more maturely.
In most cases, this doesn't happen.
If you you are a person like me, you follow your natural instinct - act first according to your best judgement at that time, and think later. This is not the bestest strategy but you will be surprised at how often it works :)
However, there is a thin line between bravery and stupidity. Courage is foolish when used involuntarily. I learned it the hard way.
However, life has become simpler since then. I am trying to apply: Think first, act later to everything. As in, listen to my own feelings and think about the consequences of my words/actions BEFOREHAND. I know for some of you, this is a very natural modus operandi but it took me 30 something years to get it. Amazing!!
It also involves thinking about myself first* and not giving into the numerous outside demands on my time and feelings. And to watch out for the impulsive, pleasure/thrill-seeker in me who is always lurking behind...
====================
As for the desire to have a whirlwind, passionate, romantic relationship (the LBD kind), I am over it. Yes, absolutely over it.
Don't get me wrong. I still believe that a meanginful and soulful relationship exists. But it does not come readymade in a glossy red package delivered to you on the Valentines' day. In fact, watch out more carefully if you see one getting delivered to you while in your 30s. A real relationship in the thirties needs a lot of work. Because by then, you are probably carrying a lot of baggage from your previous relationships (sometimes even one-sided). Remember I asked you about "trust" earlier? It is one of the standard carry-ons! There are many others like sex, in-laws, i-am-not-attractive, he-is-going-to-leave-me, i-cannot-commit and hundreds more..
It doesn't matter what the issue is. The important thing is to identify it and get a closure on it. That doesn't mean you are over it. In many cases, the hurt is so much that you will never be able to fully get over it. What you want is to identify the triggers and stay away from situations where those triggers exist. That is, manage the issue well. Find a person who will help you with this. You, in turn, help him with his issues. While doing this, don't forget to slip in how much you love those red roses, pink cards and heart-shaped chocolates .. :)
This is a kind of relationship that ripens well with age i.e. with L and B, D develops!
Ok, I am not not going to lie. A part of me, the lurking pink thrill-seeker, is totally mocking my words here but I am not listening to it..
* I found some pretty good articles on having a healthy relationship with yourself. Worth checking out: http://shine.yahoo.com/better-relationship-yourself-175600301.html
http://rachelrabbitwhite.com/being-in-a-relationship-with-yourself/
** http://saltdoll-in-ocean1.blogspot.com/2011/05/missing-in-action.html
L=length, B=breadth, D = depth
